Flowers
Today, I saw a man with flowers
I thought, "There you are," as he made his way to his car
"You're the man I want ...
One like you that stops his life
To go by a store
And buys flowers for his wife."
I know
They could have been flowers bought for several things
But in my heart I knew
He's the kind of man
There are kinds of men
That corner off parts of their days
Parts of their lives
To show a woman somewhere
They are seen and loved and heard
There are men
That cherish their wives
I can't say that I wasn't that at one time
Many years ago
To the man in my life
But ... I haven't been that
To him or anyone
For a very long time
So long, in fact
I lost myself inside irrelevance
So much so
I became invisible
Even to myself
Not my persona
I am a master at disguise
It was the inside parts of me
That forgot to be alive
Forgot to demand
Or even expect
Attention and adoration and the ultimate respect
A man gives the love of his life
Those things that prevent her from drowning and wandering
and vanishing and dying
I didn't forget, really
I gave up
Begging for love
Is not receiving love
I eventually became too aware of that
Too late, but eventually
I should have known a long time ago
When I no longer received carnations or roses
That I was, not only, irrelevant that day
But irrelevant in his life
I received the signs in doses
that I ignored
You convince yourself
Of so many things
He's busy, he's tired, he's still here, so he's here
Those were his disguise
Lies
I did not see or recognize
There are far too many years
He simply wasted of my time
Wasted my life
Pretending
Deceiving
Betraying me with another
Too many years
That if he truly did not want me
Want our life
He could have released me
Maybe for me to find
A man
When I was younger and more in my prime
A man that might have shown me
Given me
A corner of his life
He'd carve out for me
And he'd show by ...
bringing me flowers
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