Ripples
There are dates that stick in your mind
Dates you never want to forget
Dates you circle in your calendar
Dates you mark with an asterisk
There are too many of those these days
Dates that aren't the best
Or the ones with wonderful memories attached
The ones I have noted emotionally and mentally
and now are for forevermore
They are those marking
The worst of times
The worst of days
The days to remind me
They were the dates
That
Mark his walking away
Throughout my life
I have gone through days
Doing chores or errands of just moving
And
A sudden wave of joy
Would ripple through my body
Randomly
It has always happened
These random thrills
That would blare at me
For no apparent reason
Shout out at me with ripples of joy through my body
Not every day
But often
In my life
My mind's way of reminding me
To appreciate
I think
Being alive
Even now
During this chaos and fear and sadness and madness
Enthralling so many of my days and nights
I have ripples of joy
A quiver against the betrayal
That has visited my life
That has possessed by body and mind
It is still there inside of me
Randomly
I don't know why
I have little to be joyful for
But
It is still there
Occasionally
Maybe to remind me
That
I have always been
That person
That searches for joy
Even through and beyond turmoil and sadness
He keeps saying
"Someone had to rip the Band Aide off"
That infuriates me
Rip it off of what?
My life?
My future?
My beliefs?
Yes, I guess
It did rip the Band Aide off of my beliefs
For sure
Every single thing I believed was and were and could be true
Was and is now exposed
As lies
About my life
The Band Aide was hiding all he never intended to bring or be
For me
For us
All I believed was real and genuine and forevermore
Is a raw truth now of nevermore
I do not know the final day
That will be circled on my calendar
I hate the thought of how many dates will be circled until then
Because
All the dates since the beginning of this
Have been so many
I just hope
That
In between the beginning until the end
And many days after
I will continue to feel
Random ripples of joy
To buffer the hate and hurt and devastation away
From me
I should mark those moments, those days
On my calendar
So I will always know
He did not have the power
To take all the joy
Away from me
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