Avalanche
Nearly every day in recent weeks
I write my words
My thoughts
I put my tears and fears into rhymes and sentences
I somehow hope can describe
some of what I'm going through
in these worst of times
It's strange to me
That it is at this point
Where so many emotions have gathered
in such a way that they need to be heard
As ...
It was at the beginning
Five months ago
And so many hours and days after
That an avalanche of feelings
held me hostage
and set in motion the sadness and fear and rage that stole all my laughter
But they were trapped somehow
Between the beginning and now
Intentionally, unintentionally inside of me
It is now, though
Nearing the end of this destructive thing
That my mind has
Like a very long piece of string
pulled all the thoughts and feelings
I have been holding inside of me
from the beginning of this thing until now
into lines and words and rhymes
that are screaming each day to get out
Stringing my thoughts and words to paper
Is a release
It is also torture
As ...
It drags the feelings I've hid so masterfully
Out onto a page
Where all can plainly see
my defeat
Where, each time I read the words
I am again reminded of the constant hurt
Where, I am forced to travel in time
back to that one day
I found out that he had betrayed me
What is the cliche about sticks and stones and words?
Words hurt
They hurt tremendously and harmfully and sometimes completely
I asked him
"So, you don't want me anymore? You want her?"
He said, "Yes."
It only took one word
to destroy me
Not a string of words, just one word
That set off the avalanche
of all the words now inside of me
that have been trapped beneath a cloak of rage
to escape
from my mind
to words on a page
My words don't change not even one thing
For better or worse
But what I do hope is that one day
I won't feel anymore words about this one thing
needing to be heard ...
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