The Night of Tears
I don’t know why it was on this night
That all the tears came
All those I was somehow holding back
For months and weeks and days
For what?
I don’t know
Pretending to be strong
Maybe
Held at bay
So I could balance the chaos in my life with some sense of
Rightness
I don’t know
But they came
In torrential flooding rains
Down my cheeks and clouds in my eyes
The sadness he has inflicted
An overwhelming desire to die
I have not ever believed myself to be
A person to vanish
But
I allowed those thoughts tonight
How?
Where?
What if?
I wish I could say I pushed those thoughts away
With the greatest and boldest strength
It is not true
They rambled around inside my head
Stronger than I am
For too long
I am angry at myself and even more angry at him
For making me this person
That no longer wants to live
How is that possible that I gave him that part of me
That cares more about us and him
Than I care about me?
How is it possible
Another person can take your will to live?
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