Two More Closets For Me

 

Two More Closets For Me

 

                My little dog keeps wandering out to the road

                I put a collar on her to shock her

                Create boundaries where she should and should not go

                I need a collar wrapped around my own neck

                To shock me when people betray me

                To create boundaries of where I am supposed to be

                Now that he has left me

 

                I drink alone now on Wednesdays

                For years, I gave my Wednesdays to her

                I am taking them back

                I am reclaiming them now for myself

                She can’t have everything

 

                I got two extra closets out of the deal

                I was thinking the other day that he is stuck having sex with 

                    the same miserable woman

                         And

                I can sleep with anybody I want

                Anytime I want

                Anywhere I want

                With as many people as I want

                I got that also out of the deal

                But … that does not pacify me

                Not yet

                But it will

 

                He bought me a new car

                Put it in his name

                This man with one foot out the door

                Who does that?

                I drove that old Mercedes

                He got from another girlfriend

                The car with no working air conditioner

                The one that overheated constantly

                The one that is super cute, but has never been good to me

                But I drove it

                Hers

                He gave it to me

 

                He’s going to blame me for his unhappiness

                I mean, that’s what they do, right?

                He called her a thousand times

                When I am still his wife

                What if he had called me?

                Those thousands of times

                What if

                Would it have changed our married life

                It would have

                He never called me a thousand times

                He rarely called me at all

 

                I cried so many times

                “You never say you love me”

                “You never touch me”

                “You never see me”

                “You care more about yourself than you do me”

                What if he had called me those thousands of times?

                Would it have said, “I love you. I’m thinking of you. I need you.”

                    Yes

 

                I don’t know when he stopped loving me

                I don’t know that I believe that he ever did

                Should you have to ask someone that is supposed to love you, do you love me?

                I asked that a lot

                Many times over the years

                He never once asked me

                Do you love me?

                Not even one time

                Not one time

                Not even once

                How is that possible?

                Was he sure of my love?

                    I think, yes

 

                There is no way she gives him more than I gave him

                I gave him his children

                There is nothing more special than that

                    But …

                He left them too

                And he sleeps in her bed before their eyes

                Not my bed

                Not the bed of his children’s mother

                The bed of some other

                A friend that used to be mine

                But no more

                    No more

                            Not him

                                    Not her