Motion

 

Motion

 

                The things I’m doing these days are mechanical

                Most all are painful

                I’ve had a life very intentional

                Until now

                Now, I am in lost control

                I go through hundreds of motions alone

                Motions to prepare and survive each coming day

                Days I’m not wanting to live

                Not that I do not want to live

                I just do not want to live life this way

 

                I reminded my mother yesterday

                Of the year she cried most every single day

                She said, “I think it was more like two years.”

                I don’t remember it that way

                But it is probably true

                It was her life she recalls

                I was simply a fall out person

                In her story that is now so much like my own

 

                I’ve had security cameras installed all around my house

                I’m afraid to live alone

                But now, with every alert of motion

                I do not fear so much for intruders

                I fear that it is not him

                Once again

 

                I am being encouraged to move forward

                I am resistant

                I can not live with or forgive what he has done

                But I have always been his

                I don’t know yet how to be the person

                That sheds the life she had and the life she’d planned

                The person living life mechanically

                With no more ring on her left hand

                I don’t know yet how to be the person

                That the love of her life left behind

                I might be like my mother

                A person that cries for two years

                A person who was so blind

                A person in mechanical motion, and afraid of every motion

                That is no longer him