Wine Day
This is the day I drink wine
For years and years and years it has been this day
On patios in the city with the same friend
Wine and talking politics and movies and kids
Even through recent months
She sat with me
The two hours each week
We shared in comradery
Little did I know
I was being deceived
I want to believe I will go forward in my life
More protective of my dignity
I want to believe I can build walls and carry a shield
That will protect me
I want to believe I will not trust so easily again
I trusted him and her, and her with him
That was my greatest mistake
But it is not in me
To fear people without cause
I need to learn how to see
What it looks like
When people are betraying me
I don’t need shields or walls or an invisible disguise
I just need to open my eyes
I’m trying to rationalize why my hatred for her is more than
for him
What he owes me is my lifetime
She
It was two hours each week of my time
She
Methodically stole what was mine
She
Has so much of my life in her hands
And he’s allowing her
To destroy me
Destroy us
And
She
Now sleeps with my man
Ask me the thing that hurts the worst
Ask me
It’s not the quiet
Or the loneliness
While those things are unbearable most of the time
It’s not that he’s in her bed, while the thought disgusts me, torments me
It’s not the hundreds of calls he made to her and the many
he wouldn’t take from me
It’s not even the lying they both did to my face for months, even years
It’s not that he was with me, really with me until the
moment I caught him, until the end
It’s not the blatant abandonment of me and our family,
while
that runs a very close second
It’s …
That he has not once said to me that he is sorry
Not once
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